Confessions of a Starving Artist

I heard that chicks dig scars…? 

Gentle people.  It’s been an enterprising week.  As I was explaining to The Axe earlier, it’s not so much that this quasi-funk that I have been in for a few weeks has lifted, but rather I think that I have just become more organized with my funk management skills.  We agreed that “funk management” is as important to an individual as say wearing a mouth guard if you’re going to be wrestling around with dudes that out-weigh you by ten or twenty pounds for a few hours or so… but I’ll get to that.  I think that it has a bit to do with my angst having a directed outlet again, and moreover, it has re-reached Lewis Black frustration levels.  So as one of my favorite movie characters might offer concerning a week such as this: “you know man, ups and downs, strikes and gutters.”  So true, Dude, so true.

To start at the beginning, and as perhaps a bit of a preview of a post that I’ll probably elaborate on this weekend for more detail; we went to Austin, Texas last Friday and Saturday for Bloodfest: Austin’s Rugby 7’s Tournament.  Good times, but all you need from that knowledge is that yours truly, who by trade is a fragile little soccer hooligan, was a bit on the bruised and battered side of all things soft and sweet to kick the week off. 

That being noted, on Monday I reported in to the Army’s Combatives Level 1 Course.  Really though, it’s not all that high-speed.  As it stands, now all new Lieutenants receive this week of training in their Basic Officer Leaders Course, and a great many AIT Soldiers get a chance to receive this training as well.  So I figure, a person in my position should get a handle on this and get certified as such for several reasons.  First, I’m not doing anything else.  With this much white space on my calendar while I wait to get back to the land of the secret squirrel, I might as well start loading up on individual training that might help me in this year long suck-show that I’m headed into.  Second, if a cherry LT is going to get this sort of exposure, the last thing I need is for some rookie one-upping me in some public military setting on a topic that would be very much my lane.  If I’m going to be wearing a triple canopy here in a year or so, that’s just as wrong as me sleeping alone on the weekends (which is happening far to often lately).  Especially on something this, apparently, simple.  Lastly, for a guy like me, this week should be a cake-walk. 

What I mean by “a guy like me” is not any sort of arrogant statement to the effect that I’m some kind of super-stud who can take any level of physical pain and keep grinning like a dog shitting razor blades (which is sooo not the case), or that I’m this uber-athlete who can just pick up anything like David Hasselhoff in any given German nightclub.  Rather, when I was ten or eleven I began taking Jujutsu classes and continued to take them until I was nearly twenty-one.  At one point I was even promoted to the rank of Yudansha (first degree black belt) in Shin Go Ju Ryu Jujutsu in the Yama Arashi Jujutsukai.  But that was sometime ago.  It’s been more than three years since I’ve practiced or really even given much thought to the martial arts.  Still, it’s like riding a bike, right?  Sure.  Maybe if the bike has two flat tires, no seat, no handles, and you’re in traffic.  ‘Cause right now, that’s about how I feel.

As I’d imagined, the concepts and combatives themselves are just exactly as they are billed: level one.  But the fact that you are rolling around with twenty other corn-fed monsters and not other trained fellow fighters makes matters of simplicity perhaps a bit more complicated.  Furthermore, this course is a week long.  This instructor (while very talented, surprisingly) is not here to instill any sort of philosophical understanding or continued refinement of technique.  No, he’s here to teach you the basics and get you back out to The Force.  So naturally these guerillas muscle everything.  They aren’t interested in learning the Five-Point-Palm-Exploding-Heart-Technique after years of solitude and tutelage, they just want to be able - by this upcoming Friday - to smash some drunken redneck’s face in at the bar in order to impress his redneck girlfriend .  And unfortunately, since my technique, regardless of what it may have been at one time, is rustier than a car on said redneck’s front lawn, I have little choice if I want to pass this course and not waste a week of my life to do anything other than put up or shut up with a little elbow grease as lubricant.  Like I said, I’m a wiry little soccer hooligan.  And fragile too.  Did I mention that?

Which brings us to today.  I’m broke off.  Broke off like the US World Cup Team.  Today we did “The Clench Drill”, which is more or less the culmination exercise prior to the actual testing, which will be relaxed and easy sometime tomorrow before lunch.  The Clench Drill is designed to help you close the distance on your opponent who is striking at you.  And does he ever strike at you.  You have to close four times to a controlled position in order to achieve the drill while taking as few blows to the face and body as possible.  Yes, they are wearing boxing gloves.  Yes, they are trained combatives instructors who definitely have some size to them.  Yes, they do ring your bell.  Hard.

So to list, these are my current ailments, starting from head to foot.  Please note; and I say with pride, that this is the most that I have had at one time in a long time:  1) My left ear is sore to touch from right hooks; 2) my left nostril has been filled with blood for the past three mornings, no idea why;  3) my throat feels like I have strep due to being choked out so much; 4) my chin hurts to shave in the morning, but thank God that all the hair and skin had been rubbed off by friction with my uniform as it has been used to choke me out so many times; 5) my sternum is bruised; it hurts to yell, sing, and breathe; 6) the spine-hugging muscle on the right side of my upper spinal column is wrenched; again from right hooks - doesn’t help my breathing issue either; 7) my biceps and triceps are literally covered in finger-sized black-and-blues from other combatants grabbing at my arms rather than my sleeves because, frankly, my arms are skinny enough to grip; my elbows (plural) hurt more than anything.  Feels like every ligament, tendon, and muscle that runs through my elbow are on strike and are currently picketing for better overtime benefits; 9) you could play guitar on my hamstrings, and / or xylophone on my groin, and 10) I have collected so many miscellaneous bruises on my shins that I couldn’t possibly explain their origins even if I had to in a Federal Court of Law.  Oh, and I have a new front tooth.

Yup, a new front tooth.  Again.  Same one that I lost in the desert was lost again earlier this week.  Here’s my real gripe.  I’m cool with the Army getting to kick the shit out of me; I rather expect it from time to time.  However, I would like to get seen for my aches and pains within a reasonable window.  For example, if one were to get his tooth knocked out by a errant elbow to the upper lip, and this person was to go, nay, to wake his broke-ass up at 0600 hrs, to go to the designated Dental Sick Call (Army slang for “walk-ins”), one would think that he would be seen as soon as possible because his grin might look more like a Canadian Hockey Goalie’s then an Army Officer’s.  Slow down with your assumptions.  I got in and straight away asked the woman behind the desk if I would be able to be seen before 0900 hrs, because I had a class to attend.  She said she didn’t know, and  just to wait.  Two hours later, I’m still waiting.  She then tells me that they only have two dentists on call this morning and, oh by the way, they have appointments to attend to as well.  Wait.  You didn’t know this two hours ago?  And appointments?  During Sick Call?  That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.  I asked to see whoever was the NCOIC (Non-Commissioned Officer In Charge, aka Sergeant so-and-so).  A corporal appears.  For those of you who don’t know military rank structure, that’s two stripes as opposed to a typical seven.  We had words.

Now the nice thing about being a Captain is that you can have a face-to-face discussion with who’s in charge just about anywhere… unless the person in charge is a Lieutenant Colonel, which sometimes happens.  The bad thing about being a Captain is that fat civilian desk-bitches don’t give a shit, and getting around them to actual military personnel is sometimes a pain.  But this morning I did it, and was able to get seen first thing tomorrow, because, surprise surprise, they could front-load me in the morning.  Huh, how about that effort?  PS, I had suggested that to Little Miss Donut-Ass, but she said that they didn’t do that.  Funny, I just did.

It gets better.  Today I went to set up an appointment for a routine eye-exam because at the end of next month I go in for PRK surgery.  I walk up to the counter at optometry, and I am greeted by Jaba the Hut with buck teeth.  I flash my charismatic new smile and throw out a big, “How are you doing today, m’am?  I’m trying to set up an appointment for a routine eye exam en route to PRK surgery.”  This horrid excuse for a Department of Defense employee doesn’t open a date book, doesn’t look at a computer screen, doesn’t even make eye contact; but rather sighs as if I have interrupted a Quest for Enlightenment and says, “First avaible appointment is 3 August.”  Still smiling / baring my teeth, I say, “but m’am, I have laser-surgery on 30 July.  I need get a routine exam before heading down.”  Her response was one that if had it come from a Soldier; well, lets just say MPs would have had to pry her dead body from my python choke-hold:  “Oh well.”

I show her my memorandum from the Battalion Commander.  She just shrugs and repeats herself.  Remember what I said about DoD civilians not giving a shit about Captains?  It’s the same regardless of rank.  They just don’t give a fuck about Soldiers… which has always made me wonder why we employ them.  They should have to take a course in military orientation and be some part of the rank structure.  Seems only fair considering the benefits they get, but I digress.

So I convince her to take my number and to call me if there are any openings.  Wish in one hand, right?  But I’ve had it with this hospital red tape and simple lack of understanding, effort, and overall care (see previous post).  I get it; they’re understaffed, under equipped, and over-worked.  But not those creatures that work the front desk.  Their sole job is to explain to you what is going on with the man behind the curtain, be a liaison between you and doctor who is overworked, and work with you (not order you around their schedule). 

Like I said, I’m done fucking around with these clowns.  The gloves may have been left on for me, but they are off tomorrow.  As soon as my combatives test is finished, I’m going to my Tri-Care Representative and I’m reporting this woman.  Those people work for the military as sort of defense lawyers for Soldiers who aren’t getting seen or are being mistreated.  Then I’m going to back to Jaba to and ask for a memorandum from the Doctor refusing directed treatment so that I when I go home I can see my civilian Optometrist.  I think I’ll bring that Tri-Care Representative with me.  They get off on that kind of crap.  I mean, for the amount of pain that I have endured over the last six or seven days at the Army’s expense, the very least that I can do is inflict some of my own. 

We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly  - Aristotle

Lester and Mr. C are civilians.  They are retired military men, one of whom was an infantryman and a Vietnam combat veteran, while I believe the other to be a retired Lieutenant Colonel, one who still has a full head of perfectly white, combed, parted hair.  Currently they are our units’ computer information systems technicians employed by the Department of Defense, and for what it’s worth, they are worth quite a bit.  Though Lester is perhaps at times a bit wordy, something for which I can’t truly fault anyone, they are both excellent men who have lived and continue to live their lives with subtle distinction and honor.

Today while waiting for our weekly training meeting to kick-off, there was some discussion on homosexuality in the military between those present; keep in mind these are all Captains and Majors within the United States Army (with the noted exception of Lester and Mr. C) so the conversation was a professional one with a professional and critical tone.  Just for the sake of the story, this topic came about when someone reading a generic news magazine noted a write-in letter from a homosexual man that had just gotten ”joined” to his partner of some years who was currently serving in the Air Force - did this then constitute an investigation into said Airmen’s personal life by some sort of breaking of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy.  Personally, and for what its worth, I said no, because if this individual has made it thus far being gay in the Air Force and hiding his partner, then it is doubtful that even with his partner admitting to being joined to an Airmen that anyone will make any further connections between the two, but that is beside the point.  Discussions continued to be initiated on the personal and not professional merits of being gay in the military.  Most agreed that they would be okay with having a gay Soldier in their unit or under their command.   But there were subtle difficulties that those who chose to speak aired:  some would not want a gay Soldier living next to his family in a military community because of the impact that it could potentially have on his children.  Another would not feel comfortable to be under the command of a homosexual as he claimed he would not want to be under the command of a woman either. 

I stayed on the far left of this one.  While I agree with the Army’s ”Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, I personally do not have a problem with gays in the military in any way, shape, or form; but I am not willing to endorse publicly any change to Army doctrine would allow gays to serve openly at this time because I recognize the unparalleled potential for issues that this would created at all levels of the Army.  We just aren’t ready for it; maybe we will be in the next ten years, I don’t know.  Regardless, men are entitled to their opinions as am I, and, in the context of this entry, mine are, again, beside the point.  What is:  I suggested to Lester that perhaps many of his personal aversions to homosexuality came from his Christian background, with which there is nothing wrong with, but since I was a Pantheist I should, theologically, have very little to say on the matter.  Mr. C then asked what exactly was written off as immoral in my religion, to which I replied nothing was damnable because we do not believe in Heaven or Hell; rather all things have a moment.  Murder is acceptable when it is justified, for example.  Someone said I was well-suited to be a politician.

Then Mr. C posed a question to me, one which has been stabbing at me all day: ”What then are your Values?”  I was taken aback; “What do you mean?”  “What are your Values,” that is, what or where are your bases for morality, structure, and action?  To be completely honest, I did not have any answer at all.  I was struck by the secondary implications these questions.  Do I just define and rationalize my own actions as they occur with no real backstop to measure them against?  Perhaps that is right; to live just to live, to allow the Gaia to balance my actions as they occur within the realm of the Goddess, but still, that seems as much of the religious cop-out as an Arab saying, ”If God Wills It.”  I mean, I don’t think I’m a complete Fatalist.  I said something in quick response like, my conscience is my guide (thanks, in part, to the Church of Jimminy Cricket), and I realized just as Mr. C did, that this was a weak and unconsidered answer.

Unconsidered.  That’s what was shocking; that this was unconsidered.  I am willing to admit that I am almost too outspoken at times on what is possibly right and what could be wrong with full rationalization as to my points of view, but the fact is that my footing on those points has perhaps been unconsidered.  Don’t anyone think for a minute that I’m suddenly in a hurry to rush off and get some of that good ol’ fashioned religion, because a single afternoon conversation rarely unseats a man’s entire faith.  However, it has challenged me, and I do recognize that I need to examine this issue further.  As Sensei would have said years ago:  “I will meditate on this…”

After the meeting was over, I went to Mr. C and attempted to further explain myself as I recognized how cold my beliefs came off sounding.  I said that just because I think that all things are in a shade of gray that this doesn’t necessary mean that this alone guides my actions; it doesn’t.  I told him that the Values that guided my actions were Integrity and Fraternal Leadership, which was again a hip-shoot.  He looked at me and said that it sounded like I had adopted the Seven Army Values (Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, Personal Courage).  I was satisfied in that, because it seemed to be true.  How cliché! and something that if put to me in perhaps a different setting I would have laughed at, as these seven Values are shoved down your throat like rhetoric from day-one in the Army for a young Cadet or Soldier.  You tend to overlook what is always shown to you, I guess.  What did bother me was what Mr. C said to me as he left:  “I guess that the Army has given you some structure that you’ve never had before.” 

True.  But still, I don’t like the way that sounds…  I will meditate on this. 

The continuing saga of The Guttersnake in L-Town

I realized the other day that I have not really gone into any level of explanation on my current living conditions for some time.  That being said, I figure a brief look into the life and times of yours truly, while perhaps not educational or enlightening in the formal sense, may be intriguing in a counter-culture-meets-Mr.-Buzzcut kinda way.  Anyway, here we go.

My job.  At this point, I’ve been nominated to be the Executive Officer of the school house Battery, which oversees the training for the military course that I completed in April.  Its not as cool as all that, don’t let the title fool you.  Executive Officer (or XO) is just a fancy word for commander’s bitch.  Now, here’s where I would like to complain about being over-worked with pointless PowerPoint presentations and drafting memoranda on archaic and arcane military standards, but to be completely honest, I simply can’t.  True, I do stay in the office and put out more productivity than any other of the black birds (Army slang for ‘post-grads’) but I get free reign to take long lunches, late mornings, and early releases for the gym.  Furthermore, next week I got time off to start the Army’s Combatives Course: Level 1, and I’ll take Level 2 a few weeks later.  I mean, sure it sucks that I’m not doing anything, but that’s better than doing lots of pointless stuff that would suck anyway.  You know?

In other news, over the last three days I have driven to Oklahoma City and back three times.  I would like to say that I am not driving anywhere again for a long time, but then I remind myself that next weekend I have a rugby 7’s tournament in Austin, Texas.  For those of you who have not heard, I have joined the local Lawton / Fort Sill Rugby in an effort to fill up what white space remains on my calendar.  I’m certainly learning the game alright, but I’m not sure if it’s the smartest thingfor a guy  to do who needs to stay healthy and mobile for September.  Regardless, it does keep one in shape, and I do enjoy the team atmosphere again.  More importantly though, I am beginning to understand why the Rugby House at Xavier was always so crazy.  These guys who have played rugby before are friggin’ nuts!  I mean, I’m 26 years old, I thought the initiation portion of my life was over.  Nope.  Among other things I had to drink a beer from a one of the other players shoes…  as it came off his foot and I am told that I will be “streaking” after I score my first attempt (which I think is what they call a “touchdown” or “goal” or “point” or whatever).  If you know anyone who has played rugby before, just ask them about some of the stupid crap they do.  You’ll be shocked and awed.

Anyway, three drives to OKC.  My parents for the last several months have hosted a 16-year-old Korean exchange student named Jae.  Now that the school year is over, he is (by some random coincidence) staying in Oklahoma City learning English for the summer, five days a week.  As my good deed for the rest of the time that I am in Oklahoma, I drove up this weekend and rescued him from this horridly evangelical Okie family that he has regretfully fallen in with.  In the midst of a massive thunderstorm, I spent literally six and a half hours on Saturday trying to find Jae, then trying to get back home.  In short the day was shot, and as you can imagine with a 16-year-old in tow, my night was pretty much shot as well.  But I was a gracious host, I allowed him my bed while I slept on the couch; I took the young lad to Hooters – ostensibly – to watch the Korea vs. France World Cup Game; and I even gave him a set of headphones and an all-access pass to my more-than-extensive porn collection… along with the privacy one needs to truly enjoy it, of course. 

So as I’m driving back from dropping him off on Sunday, I get a phone call from a friend asking me to pick his fiancé up at the Airport on Monday at 9 am.  Sucks to be me and my overdriven need for the franternal lifestyle.  The funny shit was I didn’t take her gas money.  Instead, I made her wash my car that was fairly covered in rain streaks, mud, and bugs before I brought her home.  That and lunch from McDonalds.  You know me, always making lemonade with those lemons. 

Been listening too some good music lately too.  I’ve had to since DownTown and his wife have moved away to California and took the TV that I was borrowing with them.  For a moment I thought that I would take the high road and not watch / need TV for the next two months, but I have quickly found out that will not be the case.  Sears has a nice new 200-dollar special with my name on it.  Anyway, be looking at my Sidebar under “In The Player” for the better albums I’ve previewed.  I’ll probably be writing on the World Cup before too long here as well as this miserable summer at the box office.  One final parting word; Jae and I played a few rounds of chess while killing time this weekend, and I’ll be fair - our first game was probably the most intense game that I have played – ever.  At one point in particular I had to stop the game and get my camera; the set of the board was just crazy.  If you are an avid chess fan, as I am, take a look at this board, set it up, and take it from this point with a friend.  It’s white’s move.  Enjoy.

It’s not Kim Jyong Il, but it’s close… 

So we got him.  By now it is old news, but to be honest it took me a few minutes for it to sink in.  Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed earlier this week in a military air strike.  I woke up to the news from my cell phone.  “WE GOT ‘EM!” it read.  It takes a moment to sink in, I think.  For some time now, I have concluded that emotionally, I have some sort of time-fuse on certain reactions.  This bit news was no different.  Upon reflection, I realized that it has not even been a full year since I have returned from ar-Ramadi, which was long considered to be a stronghold for Zarqawi.  I remember talking in the chow hall at Combat Outpost with some of the Soldiers, joking about how if one of us could find him then they would probably send us home as a reward.  Sometimes, when we were on late-night raids looking for confirmed high value targets, I would quietly hope that someone of Zarqawi’s caliber would be in the house.  Now, it’s been done.

I have heard more than my share of analysts this week, all reaching different conclusions concerning the to the death of Zarqawi.  One voiced earlier on Friday that Al-Qaeda of Iraq is finished, no longer capable of waging war with the US on the scale it had perviously operated.  I am inclined to believe, however naively it may be, that this is true.  I would like to think of it as if the British had managed to capture or kill George Washington during our own Revolution.  Perhaps then The Revolution would not have been lost, and perhaps another man could have emmerged to take the General’s place and lead our men into a new nation, but I think that if even that had been possible an ultimate victory would have been pushed back a number of years.  More likely than not, the America as we know it would never have come to fruition.  Regardless of our own political histories, I am hopeful that the violence, at least, the organized violence, in Iraq will relax for a time. 

What I find interesting is the manner in which the United States Military chose to handle this.  We received solid intelligence that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was in this house with as many as seventeen of his top advisors and spiritual leaders.  So we level the place with two five-hundred pound bombs.  I’m not questioning the decision, that’s hardly my place.  But the fact that no one else seemingly is, is a bit disconcerting.  Maybe it was addressed, and I was just in the bathroom for that part of the nearly three-days the news stations dedicated to coverage of this event.  The military had many options on how to proceed with this intelligence, and personally, I am surprised they chose this course of action based on how they have been conducting themselves over the past months.  SOF (Special Operation Forces) were certainly capable of inserting themselves within an hour’s time and capturing the Al-Qaeda leader, but we decided to utilize the United States’ most common and unused (for the most part) resource in Theater: Fire Power.  I’m not saying I disagree, because I don’t, but I will say it’s something to think about.

To those of you who may be thinking that this signals the beginning of the end of the conflict  in Iraq, I’ve got nothing for you but smiles for miles.  That’s just wishful thinking, my friends.  This conflict will go on for some time to come as will the killing of Americans.  It will be years before we are viewed as anything other than infidels in that country, and only then, if we comport ourselves in a manner that demonstrates our model as Americans to them and the world, which means not killing innocent people simply as some sort of retaliation or because of undue stress.  To quickly comment on the Haditha killings; I think that the Marine Corps Leadership is handling this wonderfully.  They are claiming that this is the actions of a few, and that the actions are not at all in line with the Corps.  They state that the men will be punished; and they praise, by and large, the job that the Marine Corps is doing in the Iraqi Theater.  To note: it is extremely tempting to make sweeping orders and changes to policy when something like this happens, and I applaud the Commandant of the Marines for realizing that this was one incident, one that will not go unpunished, and one that does not require the rest of the Corps to bend over and take it for the actions of a few. 

What this does herald, I feel, is the coming draw down of American Troops from Iraq.  Do not forget, Zarqawi was a man who was calling all manner of Muslims to his cause, and he was a man who had military backing and a full governmental counsel prepared to assume command of that country as soon as we let our grip loosen enough.  Furthermore, I would be willing to bet that several of his said ‘cabinet’ were annihilated in that home with him.  What this has effectively done is to destroy the leadership of those in opposition to the new Iraqi Government.  Some have said this gives the new government of Iraq validity.  I don’t know about that.  It gives them autonomy, and one hopes that is enough.  Moreover, it gives the average Iraqi fewer options.  While these events don’t necessarily give Americans a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card, it does give the Iraqi government the ability to focus its efforts, at least somewhat, elsewhere now.  As for US Forces, without that central leadership necessary to move weapons and missions over large distances and create a coordinated effort between otherwise unconnected cell networks, the BCTs (Brigade Combat Teams) within their AOs (Areas of Operation) will be more likely simply to  stamp out fires rather than deal with digging fire-breaks and worrying about mass conflagrations. 

So in conclusion - we’re not out of the woods yet, but we’re on the way.  The US Army is focusing on the training of Iraqi soldiers more now than at any point thus far, and that’s a very good sign.  The draw down is close.  And the Marines need to be the first to go. 

“there is a war between the black and white / a war between the left and right / a war between the ones who say there is a war and the ones who say there isn’t / why don’t you come on back to the war / to the war”  - Leonard Cohen 

Albeit that there is a lucrative war going on in a Middle Eastern country were American men and women are dying everyday to serve some sort of need in this supposed War on Terror, this is the topic of the hour on our over-boasted mass-media stations.  That being the case, it is then the topic of the hour for America at large and thus me, because folks, lest we forget, we have to be told not only what is going on in our country, but also what is dangerous, what is important, and what to think of all of it.  Take note: the immigration situation (that’s catchy, I think), the war in Iraq, and the bikini strangler are all getting just about the same amount of air on CNN, FOXNews, and CNBC.  Which is the most threatening or pertinent to our country?  The better question is, have you even considered that there is perhaps a ranking order of the three.  But moving on…

I am about to offer up an opinion on the immigration situation that will make my exit strategy for Iraq seem as simple as pre-Napoleonic battle strategy, so bare with me.  I will attempt to make sure that all my bases are covered and points of view explained, but I’m sure that I will leave something out, so if anyone needs clarification, regardless of whether or not you are a first time reader, feel free to comment and I will do my best to reply with clarification.  Sort of that old teacher’s idiom, if you have a question, raise your hand, because chances are someone else has the same question.  Yeah, same sort of shit.

As a jumping off point, I give up that immigration situation and all the crap-controversy surrounding it are just loose strings on a sweater that if not quickly hemmed-up or sewn will sooner or later unravel to the detriment of this entire country.  However, let me quickly give you my two cents on that.  Amnesty, stealing jobs from real American workers, or fleecing the American Tax payer out of his or her hard paid tax dollars - well, first of all stealing jobs from real American workers is such a bunch of horse shit that I can’t even engage someone in this conversation without laughing my ass off.  Americans don’t want to do these jobs, and that is our fault just as much as anyone’s.  Moreover, it is the employer’s fault for allowing these men and women to work for them.  Remember kids, an illegal immigrant can’t complain about equal opportunity.  I recommend that California and Arizona and the rest of the Southwest do what Massachusetts has done - made all businesses provide madatory health care for employees.  There’s a thought?  Moreover, America’s propaganda on what it means to be an American comes from where?  MTV, reality shows, Hollywood buzz networks, and, most important, interviews and intimate understandings with the Americans that we find the most sexy, glamorous, and intriguing; in short, the one’s we want to be like.  A quick quote and I’ll end with this: it’s our own fault our youth sucks.

“True, we have no work ethic.  I sure don’t… …Fuck the Gospel of Success.  Sue McDonalds for a million dollars, play the lottery, take your fifteen minutes of fame and walk away happy.  Do what you have to do to be seen.  We’re a generation of intelligent self conscious, ironically star-struck lazy assholes who live in manufactured worlds sold to us and gladly consumed by the starving masses of 13 to 25 year olds.”  - Todd Strauss-Schulson 

As for illegal immigrants coming across and receiving medical care, birthing facilities, education, etc. at the expense of tax payer’s dollars; well, that’s nothing short of wrong.  Period.  The funny thing is that we think that we are powerless to stop it.  We are like, oh my gosh, this is such an injustice, won’t someone do something?  To John Q. American, I say this: you can, numb nuts!  No, I’m not talking about a wall (which is ludicrous) or some sort of militant Mexi-shtapo running around deporting everything that speaks Spanish.  I’m talking about getting out there and voting.  True some of these laws that grant immigrants rights are Federal in nature, but you may be surprised to learn how many are part of States’ Laws.  California, if you don’t like all the immigrants in your schools, talk to the Governator about changing the laws that allows them to have free births for those children in your hospitals or further attending them as if they were paying taxes.  Have a proof of taxation law for public schools.  Oh, and don’t worry, those illegal immigrants.. they can’t vote because they aren’t citizens. 

Finally, this country has been granting Amnesty for people escaping troubled and corrupt nations for years, and to stop such would be nothing short of un-American.  Which brings me to the big picture…

Fact: The Mexican Government is corrupt.  The government officials have been taking money from the US for decades at this point to better there country and using it for more-or-less personal distribution and funds.  The police officials are crooked, bought and sold by drug cartels who thus become the military and the economy.  The education system is in ruin.  The people flee their country in a manner that should have us calling them refugees and not immigrants.  This should be the single issue, not that they are coming here; that should simply be an indicator, an unchecked one for years in my opinion.  America, as I said, houses refugees that have made it to our land, always have and rightly so.  However, usually we take a different stance with the countries from which they run…

Yesterday, I was privy to a bumper sticker that read, “Bush and Sons Inc.” and then in smaller print, “Formerly known as The United States of America”  The truth is that in a few short years when we get a new president, I honestly believe the world will begin to see us as they have before, as the ol’ US of A and all the mistakes and stupidity that we have done will be completely written off, in a one-time deal, as the troubled leadership and fuck-ups of single silly man.  That being said, and with the current status of our Army being focused both as that of a counter-insurgent force and a nation builder, we need to ride this one man’s ability to right bad checks on a bank account that is going to close very soon and militantly reconstruct Mexico. 

Stay with me, because this will make sense.  First of all, I’m not saying go to war with them, though if we did go to blows the whole thing would be over in about half the time it took us to get to Baghdad and for about a quarter of the price.  You want to talk national security, you want to talk nation building, you want to talk boarder security, I say lets talk.  The benefits are countless, the cost is at a premium.  We purge Mexico of drug czars, corrupt politicians, and build an infrastructure that both encompasses national identity and economic security, then let the Mexicans get back to living the way they want to, by their own means, in their own country.  Think about it like this: if life was as good for a Mexican in Mexico as it was in America, do you think we would have an immigration issue like we do now?

Okay, at this point some of you are saying, that’s ridiculous G.S., open war with a neighbor, that’s insane?!  Mexicans would be in an uproar.  First of all, no they wouldn’t.  They left that country for a reason.  Granted, the Latin population, as well as 99.5% of America (that’s the percentile that needs FOXNews to know what to think politically, and yes, you probably fall into that category at least a little just like me) would have to be fed on hellavah pile of a propaganda piece to understand what our intentions are with this country, but come on!…  what the heck do you think we have been doing in Iraq for the last four years!  And doing fairly well!  And in Iraq?!  Do you honestly think that creating a coup and reconstructing Mexico would be harder than what we are doing in Iraq?  I sure don’t.  Personally, I think that by and large the vast majority of Mexicans would aid us.  They don’t like drug czars, crooked cops, and dirty politicians any more than we do, especially in their own country.  We could even use the Sheryl Crow lick, “The Change Will Do You Good” as a campaign song.

Regardless, something of this nature needs to happen, and happen soon.  Mexico must be stabilized, pacified, sanctified, whatever; and here’s why:  China.

How many are still here?  Anyone.  Again, stay with me, I’ll try and explain.  Two points, Energy and NAFTA.  Please note that “Terrorism” isn’t even close to a top notch, nor is the Middle East, because like it or not, we aren’t giving Iraq back, no matter how much blood spills in the sand, so we might as well realize it, and try to convert, ahem, I mean, work with them and that will keep most of the fight there.  But I’ll get to that.

No matter what, it all comes back to oil, or better put, energy.  The war in Iraq is obviously oil / energy related.  Most of our economy is being ball-and-chained by gas and oil prices as we speak.  One could probably make an argument on how 11 million illegal immigrants not consuming gas would lower prices at the pump.  Fact of the matter is that within the next twenty-to-forty years, depending on which oil executive or environmentalist you talk to, the world’s oil supply will reach a mean break point, or rather it will no longer be cost effective to power the world with oil.  Most non-biased energy companies that you talk to will tell you that the world will be powered by two major and one minor set of energy sources in the future.  The first major being coal, powering about 50 percent of the world.  Currently, as a global society, we have ways that produce nearly no pollutants other than thermal from coal power plants, and further the world has stores of coal that would power us at such a rate for approximately the next 400-500 years.  The second source is probably more theorized, solar and wind power coming up with about 49%.  It occurred to me while deployed to Iraq and on my mid-tour pass in Doha, Qatar, that these Middle Eastern countries are going to be energy barons long after the oil runs out.  Those giant deserts with nothing on them at all but sun and wind… just what do you think would do well out there?  Keep in mind, Muslim countries also control the Sahara Desert, which is larger than the entire United States… to include Alaska.  And finally rounding it out would be nuclear power at about 1%.

By a show of those who are still left, how many wonder what that was all about?  Okay, as of now, no one in the world is really looking into alternate energy substitutions.  Not in earnest, anyway.  Also keep in mind that research is economically driven, profit equals progress, nes pas?  Which brings me to NAFTA.  For those of you who forget what NAFTA is (North American Free Trade Agreement) you’re not alone because apparently so has the last two or three administrations.  With a stabilized and profitable Mexico, the North American Continent could effectively (and theoretically) become the most powerful economic tri-union the world has ever seen.  First off, there is the sheer size and natural resources of our continent.  Second, the impact of our already economically intertwined countries becoming politically intertwined to further our aims in the global economy would be staggering let alone rippling.  And third, would be the political ease of policy for such an economic monster.  Think about it as a comparison to the European Union, which has something like twenty delegates verses this theoretically advanced NAFTA which would have only three:  have you ever tried to get a group of twenty friends to decide what the group is going to do on a given Friday night?  Now, what if the group was only three dudes?  See my point?  Lastly, with all of North America united, we would get extra five armies at the start of each turn… Risk reference?  Never mind.

Here’s the end state.  Mexico being stabilized gives us NAFTA, which already has the US and Canada housing corporate research efforts to find these cleaner, more cost effective alternate energy resources.  NAFTA would greatly allow the three of us the opportunity to accelerate this process, even put it / keep it in governmental hands.  Now, what does this have to do with China.  Everything.

China is not (that we know of) actively researching to any degree of success alternate methods of energy other than nuclear.  Further, while America’s population growth is actually decreasing (betcha didn’t know that!  we are increasing our actual population due to immigrants…), China, despite multiple governmental efforts is still growing.  Consider: a country that is our only major military counterpart and already over populated is facing a massive energy crisis in the next twenty to forty years.  Do I have to connect the dots?  Having three countries that are economically linked as well as politically and geographically linked on a single opposing land-mass with the world’s largest ocean separating us; we stand a much better chance militarily against The Dragon as opposed to, say, a silly little wall built to keep out immigrants some thirty-odd years ago.  Another plus for North America is that hopefully, our Armies will be capable of being powered by alternate energies, and because our governments had the foresight (at least in my scenario) to safeguard the technology by aiding its production with government funds or in government facilities, no one else’s Army will be able to boast that.  Oh, and that is largely in part to our still maintaining, at the very least, an economic foothold in all those desert solar panels and wind turbines that we helped the Iraqis, the Saudis, the Kuwaitis, and the whateveries to decide to emplace.  And to anyone shaking their head on the idea that China won’t attack if faced with an energy crisis of that magnitude, I offer you this thought - you know what would lessen the use of energy for a country?  Fewer people to consume it.

Maybe I’ve just been read one too many Tom Clancy novels, but I doubt it because I’ve never read a single one.  I’m just trying to look at the big picture and forecast down the road more than five years or past the end of some lobbyist’s agenda.  We used to do that.  And you know, maybe we are.  And maybe our government really does have a plan for our future that is at once sound, well thought-out, and covert.  And maybe I give the Bush Administration far too much credit.  Anyway, enjoy that link - it is something a little bit lighter for those of you who were nice enough to read this far.  Keep your volume low if you’re in the office.

Last thing.  Whether  you believe my Red Dawn-style theory or not, that’s fine, I know its as ‘far out’ as Woodstock, but one thing that I think we should all consider before we dismiss giving Mexico a little of the Saddam-style enema-of-state is this; in less than ten years Latin Americans will take control of the majority of this nation.  No shit.  Many of these “immigrants” do not share our national identity, moral views, and or fully understand our Constitutional values because they have not immigrated here they way we intended it.  It is a crap shoot as to whether or not their children will.  What then happens when America becomes “The Functional Mexico” by legal majority?  This is a matter of national security; not from terrorism, not from anything within our policies, not from anything we have ever considered before - we could be bred out of our own national identity.  And that is terrifying.

Did you get the memo?…

For those of you who don’t know, one of my more faithful readers has fallen upon hard times over the last few months.  I dare say, that had I been going through these last months as Ms. Erin Kate has that I may not have handled her adversity with the same level of grace.  Granted, nobody’s perfect, and certainly neither is Erin, but I must take this short entry to give her a quick kudos and perhaps even a round of applause that makes it to it’s feet. 

To recap, 2006 for Erin has not been the best of times.  It opened with a massive car accient that probably should have taken her from us completely, but for anyone that knows Erin, you know that she is fully capable of surviving a collision with a Semi-Truck (which is exactly what she did!).  After being pried from her car by the jaws of life, Erin then had to nurse her wounds over the course of the next several months.  It is important to note, that the injuries sustained in the crash are still not fully recovered from.  That aside, Erin, aka The Axe due to her employment at a telemarketing firm as an executive in charge of laying people off (among other things); was strangely fired herself.  Shocking as the Red Soxs trading Johnny Damon is this firm firing a person who fired just shy of one hundred people in 2005.  She’s obviously got a knack for it, and they did’t realize what they had.

Other than that she has had suspected liver cancer, which turned out to be a by-product of the impact of the crash messing up her digestive track, a boot-cast that resticted her from having sex for upwards of a solid month, and she did the pass of death on a shetland pony.  All that to proudly say that Erin starts her new job on Monday at a new telemarketing firm.  The job comes with a 25K raise from her old firm and the continued ability to fire telemarkers at will.  Congradulations Erin, let it be said that even a Mack Truck can’t slow you down!